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Another Day, Another Dollar
2005-01-07, 2:41 p.m.

Today I am thrilled and deeply flattered. There are now 12, count �em, TWELVE fellow Diarylanders that have me listed as a favorite. I adore all the comments, but one in particular begs to be addressed. Yes, El Presidente of Diaryland himself, Spritopias, has cracked open the door to a little-known secret. Freemansonry? Bah. Skull and Bones? Child�s play. We are about to enter the cloistered realm of Educators.

�You'd really like to know where the people who say, �another day, another dollar� are getting their damn money.�
�Caesar Spritopias, President, Emperor, and otherwise Grand High Poobah of Diaryland

As a former first grade teacher, I know from whence the money comes. Although I may be executed for what I am about to reveal, it is time for the public to know.

Teaching has many rewards. Some enter the profession for the ease of the work, the delightful and pleasant parents, the charming and well-behaved students, the exceedingly competent administrators. Some are enticed by the regularly scheduled breaks in the Teachers� Lounge.

For whatever the reason, upon receiving certification and completing initiation, all new teachers receive the secret handshake and this:

That�s right, a money tree.

Most teachers begin their careers with a modest money tree. With proper care, over time it can grow to rival the California redwoods. It�s a secret all teachers carry to their graves�until today. How else can we afford the luxurious vacations during lazy summers, fully staffed mansions, fleets of Humvees?

The most successful teachers must engage in cover-ups designed by CIA-trained Covert Education Specialists.

Don�t be fooled by the �real estate mogul� or �badly coiffed reality television star� rhetoric. He�s actually an 11th grade History teacher at a high school in Parsippany.

Another day, another dollar, another harvest from the money tree. When you�re an educator, life is good.

**I was having darn good fun with this, until the kids demanded their Christmas money back.

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