Hark! A Crisis!
2005-01-27, 12:11 p.m.

Thursday, January 27th, 8:48am

Forlornly here I sit and type, although I cannot post.

�Why, Sally, can you not post?� you ask.

I cannot post because the fine folk from the cable company came yesterday morning to bury the new cable line, Attempt the Fifth, and a marvelous burial it was. However, we no longer have a phone.

Yep, they sliced through the phone line. No phone, no DSL, no Internet. Sally is sulking in silence. Silence is rare, because typically Sally is loud.

�So, Sally, do you at least have cable now?� you ask.

Why yes, we do have cable, not perfect, but much improved. The company sent out two senior level technicians on Tuesday morning for Attempt the Fourth. They poked and prodded and probed the lines throughout the house and the neighborhood and found the following: There was water in the drop box; the line from the drop box to the house was bad; and the house needs to be rewired. Ah. So THAT�S why we had blizzards on the screen. We also need to buy a signal booster, a $25 investment at Radio $hack. After all this we�re going to watch the hell out of television for awhile, so I�ll feel like all our time and money was worth it. Hope there�s something good on.

Sometime between 8am and noon today more cable employees are supposed to rewire the house. Attempt the Sixth.

Sometime between 8am and 5pm today someone from Bell S*uth is supposed to come repair our phone line. Please direct the bill to Ch@rter Communications, thankyouverymuch.

Despite all this, Sally is in a good mood.

�Why are you in a good mood?� you ask.

I am in a good mood because the new renters in our old house are absolutely marvelous people with two absolutely marvelous children, who helped haul the rest of our junk over here and are completing the painting that we were going to have to spend all weekend doing. Plus, they�re Republican. They rock.

I am also in a good mood because I disciplined Son last night and it worked.

He has been refusing to do his homework, despite being banned from his beloved video games. He has been yowling just because he can yowl and griping at his sister just because he can gripe and he gave the lovely children�s church leader heart failure last night by disappearing from class and hiding in an adjoining room. He did not do his homework during Homework Help but hid again in a different place, and gave the poor lady heart attack #2. So Hubby hollered and Hubby huffed, but mean ol� mom here just got out the belt. Son got a terse proclaimant of his infractions, punctuated by (small) stinging whaps on his shiny white hiney. Son zipped to the kitchen table and completed his homework in record time, and He. Will. Not. Hide. Again.

Microsoft Word is trying gallantly to make me change �hiney� to� honey�, �hinny�, �whiney�, �hidey�, or �homey�. What the hell is a �hinny�? For that matter, is �hidey� an actual word? Only if accompanied by �hole�, I suppose. Which is what I would like to have for a day or two, complete with a stash of hot fudge and the complete DVD collection of �Stargate SG-1�. Dairy Queen and reruns will have to do for today.

Yes, Microsoft Word, I did just make a sentence fragment. Deal with it. Language is both a tool and a toy, so get over it.

11:36am
Our Hero has arrived and restored phone service. Thank you, Mighty Bell S*uth Man, thank you! And so, the day is saved�

last - next