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Gee. Happy Valentine's.
2005-02-14, 5:52 p.m.

It�s happening again, and it�s one of those things that we parents are powerless against.

Son knows he isn�t like the other kids. He knows he doesn�t play like they do, share the same interests they do. He is fully aware that he says the wrong things, laughs a little too loudly, gets stuck on certain topics, is on a slightly different plane of existence than most other kids his age. It�s the way he�s made, and, try as he might, there isn�t much he can do about it. Still, he hurts.

There are a couple of boys in his class whom he desperately wanted to emulate. In his little blue eyes, they are the epitome of cool, everything he wants to be. They are athletic, popular, good students, good in conversation, and have lots of friends. Son�s teacher thought these boys would be good role models and would be patient and tolerant with Son.

Turns out she was wrong. None of us knew it.

Today, Son got in the car in tears. These boys, the ones whose friendship he so desperately sought, have been calling him names, cursing at him, telling him what an awful person he is. They have crossed the playground to torment him, hurl obscenities at him, and point out how horribly different he is from the other kids. Son is crushed. From the things he told me today, this isn�t the first time this has happened. He said, �This is why I hate school. Nobody likes me. They never will.�

I have notified his teacher. She will make the visible torment stop. No one can halt the bigger pain; Son will always be different, unacceptable in so many eyes, and no one can change the way the world views him. We hold hands and sing songs about diversity and acceptance and tolerance and let�s-teach-the-world-to-sing B.S., but that doesn�t change basic human nature. It�s instinctual to shy away from those who are different, flawed, the square pegs hovering around the round holes. Parents and teachers can end name-calling within earshot, but we cannot crawl inside someone�s soul and force them to be accepting of someone or something they wholeheartedly reject.

It�s hard enough for Son to step outside his little hard-wired world into ours, one befuddled step at a time; now he�s having the bitter realization that some people will revile you simply because you�re you. That carves a gash in my soul, in the place where I want to protect him but know that I can�t.

Sometimes, mommies just cry.

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