Bullies: The Other White Meat
2005-02-16, 8:16 a.m.

Son�s teacher was at a training session all day yesterday, and didn�t receive my email until after school. She answered me pronto, NOT happy about the situation, and vowed that this morning Things. Will. Be. Remedied. Tomorrow�s school lunch menu: Chewed Bully Behinds, with a side dish of You�ll Never See Recess Again. Have I mentioned before how much I like the schools around here?

I made it through Monday�s bloodletting, even though the phlebotomist used a length of PVC piping and a chainsaw to shred a path to my vein. Hubby went along with me for the first time ever, under the �being supportive� guise, but in truth it was to just have a good laugh at my expense. In subconscious retaliation I did my best to crush his hand to a bloody pulp. Didn�t work. But MY GOD it hurt this time when she drew blood. It�s never ever been that painful.

Tuesday was the actual doctor�s visit, with his typical chiding ratcheted up to clucking. Looks like he�s not going to let me get away with anything. I have orders to drop at least 10 lbs by my next visit (several months away), begin a regular, repeat, REGULAR exercise program, and refrain from eating �white foods� like potatoes, bread, etc. I�ve slipped off the low carb track recently and can feel it, as I am more sluggish and my jeans aren�t as loose. The next visit will also entail a glucose check, because I exhibit signs of impending diabetes. He is concerned that within two years I could become a full-blown diabetic. So much for my dreams of chocolatey glory. There was some good news: my cholesterol is down nearly 100 points! Down 100, 100 more to go. Now it�s 235, far below what it usually runs, so the meds are working. I�m somewhat tolerating it�only minimal arm pain�so this summer we will probably try raising the dosage and see how it goes. The meds simply MUST work, because my cholesterol skyrockets on a low-cholesterol diet. If I don�t eat it, my body manufactures it harder than ever.

If I am to avoid �white foods�, then what about cauliflower? Tofu? Bean sprouts? Quandaries, quandaries.

So, now it�s time to embark upon my new quest: See Sally Shrink. I must morph from a sedentary schlump to a svelte snazz. This isn�t going to be easy. Oh sure, exercise, get up and move that body. Easier said than done. I haven�t done any rigorous exercise in years, after being twice sidelined with a spontaneous pneumothorax. That�s a collapsed left lung with no apparent cause, for you medical ignoramuses out there. Not being able to breathe puts a big damper on physical activity, and the three excruciating (I�d-rather-be-in-labor-just-kill-me-now kind of excruciating) chest tubes and needles inserted sans anesthesia is what molded me into a needle weenie. You can now imagine just how thrilled I am at having to join the realm of the action figures. Rah.

Off to eat some broccoli and cauliflower for breakfast. Wait, that�s a white food�

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