Choosy Moms Choose...
2004-09-08, 4:16 p.m.

My apologies to those who suffered through my last few entries. It seems rain plus hormones plus a smattering of grief makes for a pithy and depressing girl. I am not sorry for my emotions, just sorry for making you all slog through them with me. Even Diaryland had enough and ate the last entry I spent 20 minutes typing. I prefer to be happy and now choose to be so, regardless of the weather or the mighty swell of estrogen.

Lamenting, like the �what ifs� and �if onlys�, has it�s place. It�s a necessary part of the human psyche and must be released for the good of the soul. It�s a learning experience, allowing us to resolve our choices and celebrate our triumphs. It shows us the errors of past ways so that mistakes become bygones instead of destinies. It shows us what shapes us, and how our choices and experiences make us who we are.

There is a great difference between lamenting and languishing. Wallowing fitfully in past events, becoming engulfed in regret and pain, freezes us into bitter entities. Languishing has no positive purpose. Lament, learn, and move along.

Grief is also an essential part of life, an experience that strengthens us and shows that we do indeed have the grace to go on. It�s a journey with no clear destination. The ebb and flow over the past 10 months has surprised even me, as I had feared it would be much worse than it has actually been. A good friend said a few months ago she was waiting for me to crash, as I seemed to be taking my father�s death far too well for someone who was such a Daddy�s Girl. Crash I will not. I know my faith and my father�s faith, and therefore I know where he is. I am secure in the good life he had and the good life I have and the wonderful memories that remain. Miss him? Of course, some days more than others. But life is for the living, and I intend to live every moment.

Some people just don�t get that they do have choices in life, over everything. Even if something happens to you randomly, it is your choice how you react. God blessed us all with the gift of free will. The parameters are set by us for our own selves, and can be reset whenever and however we please. As long as you�re alive, it�s not too late for anything. Some people say they lost their chance at something; I prefer to say it was postponed for a bit, and everything will be better in the long run.

People and their choices fascinate me. I�m a people watcher. I love to ponder why they chose that outfit, why they like that car, why Star Trek makes my heart race while inducing the gag reflex in others. When Freaky Friday came out when I was a kid (the old version), it caused an almost OCD impulse in me to examine others and figure out what makes them tick. Fun for me now is going for evening walks, when people turn their lights on indoors but haven�t pulled down the blinds and you can see inside their houses. I love to see how their homes are, their personalities, their idiosyncracies. Don�t ask me why, I have no idea. Perhaps I should have been a sociologist, or perhaps a psychiatrist. It draws me in.

So, for now, I�m off to commingle at the Wednesday evening church services and do some more people-watching. I�ll learn something from it. It�s my choice.

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