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Too Hot To Think Of A Title
2011-07-03, 2:13 p.m.

So we are now living in Upstate SC which is AMAZING BEYOND WORDS and still in the mountains and also so hot that Satan has taken to his heels to find cooler venues to annoy. Itís evident heís gone because even when their flesh is melting off their bones, people around here are NICE. Not much of any other way to describe it. Itís NICE here. Pleasant. A little less hurried and harried. A lot more mannerly.

I work for a company that assists with leasing apartment homes around the nation. Itís busy these days . As of now I have determined that there are about 3 people left in California who are NOT moving this summer, half of NY and DC are looking around, and Wyoming and Montana exist only in theory. For those of you searching for an apartment home, if you call to inquire, please keep a few things in mind:

1. We really do care about your comfort and happiness. This isnít some place youíll crash in for a week, itís your home. Let us know if you really want a place with a fitness center or a pool or if you can paint the walls. Weíll do our best to let you know.

2. If we canít answer your questions, we can point you towards the people who do have the answers. We have only the information given to us, so if we canít give you EVERY STINKING DETAIL, itís nothing personal. We swear.

3. Donít just show up at a place and get mad when thereís no one to show you around, or they donít have any vacancies. Call first and ask questions and set an appointment. Let us help save you some headachesÖand your gas.

4. Iím going to ask you some questions when you call, like how many people are moving or how long a lease you would like. It helps me help you. If you are trying to put 17 people in a 1 bedroom apartment, I can tell you up front whether or not thatís allowed, or if it has only 1 year leases when you want a 6 month one. Donít be a douche because I need 30 seconds of your time to get a little info to help you out. Would you rather take an afternoon off work and drive 20 miles to check it out only to find out the place is wrong from the start?

There are no jobs in TN, so Daughterís boyfriend came to stay with us for a short while and do some searching. He is now a proud new employee of where I work. Of course this means open season for harassment opportunities, and I have a few dozen coworkers all too willing to help. We wonít be too hard on him, because he is a good kid and respectful and helpful around the house. He and Son are sharing a room and both have been busy with laundry massacres and grocery annihilation. Because thatís what teenage (and newly minted post-teenage) boys do. They have Serious Discussions on the finer points of World of Warcraft and nuances of weaponry whilst holed up together in one medium-sized room, because that is also what teenage (and newly minted post-teenage) boys do.

(Itís my job to pop open the windows for the 3 minutes each morning the temperature is below 90 degrees and air things out. Thereís not enough deodorant in the world, people. Just saying.)

I just typed and printed a comprehensive detailed list of laundry instructions to hang in the laundry room, because the boys really, truly get freaked out when there are anomalies such as bras in the pile of dirties. They, and Daughter, are also perplexed as to how it is not more economical to tamp down the load in the washer with a stick and cram in 9 more pairs of jeans. Daughter stands firmly on her belief that everything is fair game to go in the dryer, hence two brand new shirts I did not get to wear. But they might fit our dog rather well.

Iím hunting for a house to buy, not an easy task. My tastes arenít exactly champagne, more akin to a sensible quality Zinfandel-in-a-box, but my budget is clearly MD 20/20. Itís going to take time to find a home that is affordable, un-ghetto-licious, and not your friendly neighborhood meth lab. Standards , you know.

In an effort to save on groceries I have turned to coupons, not the rabid ďI-got-$3,762,009-in-groceries-for-a-quarterĒ kind of couponing, but mixing them with BOGO offers and other specials which has made us a little more adventurous food-wise. Today I cooked this frozen concoction called ďpierogiesĒ, which loosely translates in Northern-speak to ďodd combo of super-carb Yankee comfort foodĒ. Daughterís observation: ďThey probably eat these because they need to be plump for the winter.Ē That sums it up. We prefer to turn to our more sensible local options like fried chicken, vegetables cooked in lard, and cold tea with 4.7 cups of sugar per gallon.

Dayum itís good to be back home.

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