Useless Meanderings And Even More Useless Advice
2004-09-09, 3:26 p.m.

Word for the day: Pro-CRAS-tin-ate. As if you couldn�t tell by the avalanche of entries.

The sun is out, which for Sally, always brings the happy. It�s affected the offspring, too, as there was only minor kvetching on the back seat on the way home from school. Son thought it would be funny to give his sister a wet willy. Son was wrong.

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AOL has yet again graced my mailbox with a handy plastic jewelcase and useless CD. Keep �em coming, AOL, and all our home-burned CD�s will be handily protected in nice individual covers.

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Alas, the front page of the newspaper brought Murphy�s Law back into swing. If there is a medication to which I am not allergic, the Scientific Powers-That-Be will discover something very, very wrong with that drug. The latest fall from grace is erythromycin, one of the very few antibiotics I can take. Combining it with certain other drugs can cause heart-related fatalities. Goody. I am already at major risk for heart disease or stroke, let�s throw one more log on the funeral pyre. I have high cholesterol, but get nasty side effects from the cholesterol-lowering drugs. I followed a low cholesterol diet as prescribed by a nutritionist, and my cholesterol skyrocketed nearly 100 points. I have a kind of migraine (triggered by an allergic reaction to medication) that produces stroke-like symptoms, and could progress to a stroke if I take the typical anti-migraine meds. And now, if the illness doesn�t kill me the cure will. Pardon me while I swat the undertaker away. :::::::::WHAP::::::::: I�m not gone YET, PLEASE be PATIENT�

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I would love to know how you find out that someone has been Googling you. What is the secret to that reverse search? Please, someone, email me with the answer I so desperately seek. In the meanwhile, it brings up a pleasantly warped diversion�type in bizarre strings of keywords to search, and visit the corresponding websites. I�m sure someone would be thrilled to know they were Website #1 under �whistling banana porn�.

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I spent a pleasant hour volunteering at Daughter�s school this afternoon. I had expected that it would take quite some time to be trained in PowerPoint, but in actuality it took about 45 seconds to nail down the basics. Not only do I feel useful, but also technologically EMPOWERED. Just ask Hamlette, I am not exactly a computer whiz. She discovered that after I tried to send her a photo or two, then accidentally uploaded the entire directory and zipped 118 picture files in her direction. And I was wondering why the Bill-Gates-o-bot in the gray box was informing me it would take approximately 5 hours 42 minutes to complete the transfer. Uh, heh heh. Heh.

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Son�s school called this morning. His class is going to make vegetable soup on Monday for a learning activity, and they need me to send in an ingredient. No problem. The ingredient? Strawberry jam.

Yeah, that�s what I thought too.

The school rep soon realized the bizarreness of that request and said that they are also going to make biscuits, hence the jam. Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Much better.

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Last night during our church class on Authentic Happiness, the instructor had us go round-robin stating something at which we are good. Being a jack-of-all-trades-and-master-of-none, I asked Hubby if there is ANYTHING at which I am good. His response? I give good advice. (!!!)

It began in college, with two roommates/friends in a mega-spat over a guy. Roomie #1 had a crush on Guy, but Guy asked out Roomie #2. Roomie #1 felt it was a personal affront, the execution of a Master Plan by Roomie #2 to snatch Guy from her grasp. They asked for my view. My view was such: Guy had no idea either one of you had a crush on him. Even if he knew, that doesn�t guarantee he would care. Guy is a human being of free will, and as such will choose whomever he pleases. Neither one of you has any more control over his choices than you do over the phases of the moon.

Now I thought that was plain, in-yer-face common sense. They gaped as if I had just produced the 11th Commandment straight from the Mouth of God. Thus, Sally�s unofficial career as the Giver of Advice had begun. I was the go-to girl for breakups, fights, and matching outfits. And it continues.

I have no idea why.

So, if you have a question, fire away. I cannot guarantee the best answer, but I will do my best to give you the full benefit of my years and wisdom. (Stifling snort) Zip it in an email and I shall post an answer forthwith. Just don�t hold me liable. And don't ask me about sending files.

Today�s tidbit of advice for you: Do not put sauerkraut down the sink disposal. Just trust me on this one. You�ll be glad you did.

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