Hammer (and nails and paint) Time
2005-06-29, 11:39 a.m.

Holy housework, Batman, the mother-in-law is coming!

I have an awesome mother-in-law. Really. But she hasn�t seen our new house, and I want everything to be see-I�m-competently-taking-care-of-your-baby-boy perfect. Which triggers an automatic response in Hubby, that says,

PROJECT TIME!

�Company coming? House clean? House perfect?
Must. Have. Tools. Strewn. Across. Living Room.
Must. Begin. Exterior. Painting.
Must. Cover. Porch. With. Crap.
Must. Make. Exterior. Five. Different. Colors. (AKA, no one will notice the royal blue painters� tape mummifying every transparent surface)�

Next week, not only will MIL come, but also one of my closest friends whom I have never met is dropping by as she is traveling from NC to KY. A group of us throughout the nation have corresponded daily via email for almost a decade, but many of us have never met in person. We finally get to meet, and Hubby chooses the one week out of a TEN YEAR PERIOD to ensure the house is trashed.

The day after my friend visits, my cousins from Michigan are coming through on their way to their cabin in NC. They also have not yet seen our new house. Hi, welcome to Casa de Redneck.

And I have heard through the always-reliable Mom Grapevine that another cousin may drop in next week, too.

I love my friends and family. I love unannounced visits (yes, I�m weird). I love people popping over. But, normally our place is in much better order. The house will look great when it�s done, but the workaday carnage is not what I want our infrequent visitors to recall.

I know what�s going to happen next week. I know, because Murphy is a frequent flyer in the Dallydo realm.
* Out of spite, a dog will pee on the carpet in an obscure spot, right before we close up the house for four hot days
* The cat will drag half a possum through the kitty door and arrange the gift on the sofa
* Son will leave a smuggled Pepsi can underneath his bed, which will form the basis of the largest ant colony east of the Mississippi
* �You did pay the electric bill, didn�t you?�
* �I forgot to tell you Mom, I clogged the toilet right before we left.�
* Air conditioning? We don�t need no steeeeenkin� air conditioning.

A house full of company will be fun, but it also means no computer time. No email. No D-land. Mid-week I will collapse in front of everyone with delirium tremors in full-scale withdrawal, completing the masterpiece of humiliation.

So now I leave you with my quandary: Soak up Internet time now, and break out in hives from a messier house; or commence the Internet detox alongside a semi-vain attempt to dust around tools?

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