Not An Entree On The Clown Buffet
2005-04-06, 10:49 p.m.

I�m bored. Bored bored bored. But hey, the clowns didn�t eat me last night. That�s a good thing.

I�m bored in the my-house-is-clean-enough-that-I-wouldn�t-be-mortally-embarassed-by-surprise-company sort of way, but I have a lengthy to-do list in front of me. Not so much a proper to-do list, but a Really Ought To list, those things that you do when you feel like it or when you get around to it. I need a round tuit, they sold them in the grocery store a few years back. I need one hanging around. It was just a round jar opener labeled �Tuit� so you�d always have a round tuit. Har har.

*sigh*

Fretting. That�s what I�m really doing, and I�m finally admitting such to myself. Today at 1:30pm is Son�s IEP meeting to set things up for next school year. An IEP is an Individualized Educational Program, a special ed mantra made up of approximately 6,000 forms and a large group of irritated professionals who design specifics for your child to learn over the course of the school year. It sets up any and all special services needed, times for said services, specific educational/social/physical goals, and is the nitty gritty of the special ed program. The highlight of the meeting is always the reading of the rights, where they have to ONCE AGAIN inform me of my rights as a parent, not like I have them memorized by now. Yes they�re crucial, yes they�re vital, yes it is so tedious hearing them for the 3 zillionth time. I quote along and add my right to remain silent, to have an attorney present, hum the Dragnet theme, anything to help the tedium and annoy people, although they are probably not the best choice of people to annoy. My son does that for them well enough without my help.

This time I will probably put in my .03 cents about the year-round school deal. This was Son�s first and only experience with year-round schooling, thank God, and for a kid like him it is wrong on so many levels. Take a child who is not at all self-motivated, whose very existence depends on routines, whose world is rocked by anything out of place, and then break up the school year with three-week-long holidays. You can see where this is going. Some kids thrive on it, specifically the little go-getters, but for an autistic child it�s a big fat no. Next year he will go on to the Intermediate school and be back on a sensible schedule, but will be changing classes and dealing with lockers in the hall and hormonal prepubescents and a whole host of new variables which thinking about throws me into fight-or-flight mode and I am quickly working myself into a migraine. Pass out in the middle of an IEP, oh that would go over well.

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Ok, so the IEP meeting went well today, and Son is now all set up for 5th grade. Whew. Little fart, he has not made a peep to us that he finally mastered the fine art of tying shoelaces after very dedicated practice with his occupational therapist. He showed off his new skill to his teacher, but never bothered to tell Mom and Dad. Gee, Son, thanks.

The migraine is still nibbling away, refusing to abate, so I decided the kids and I would be heathens and skip church tonight. I�m enjoying the Financi@l Pe@ce course we�re taking, but seeing as how I evaded major embarrassment in the school meeting earlier, I wasn�t going to push my luck further in public. Time to hide, pop some ibuprofen and pseudophedrine and hope I don�t get busted for having meth lab components in my home. I�ve got enough Sud@fed on hand to supply someone for a good long time. If we get raided, will someone please spot me some bail money? I always knew Sud@fed made me a little goofy, so heck, who needs the meth? Stick with the basics. Pseudophedrine is your friend.

I was flipping channels earlier and happened upon some sort of operatic version of The Little *Prince by Antoine de S@int Exupery*. Daughter was intrigued; I was climbing out of my skin. The agony! I wandered in here and looked it up, curious since I had read it many years ago under duress and wondered what others thought of it. According to several websites, you would think it ranks just below the Bible in terms of greatness and relevance and is the most enjoyable tome ever penned. Pardon me for not sharing in the fervor. I was bored out of my skull with it as a child, and my opinion has not matured through the years. It needs something. Spaceships, explosions, smorgasbords of studly heroes. Yeah, that�d do it.

Ever notice how so many of �The Classics� are morbid, depressing, stilted, plodding, or just overwhelmingly dull? Kind of like most Oscar-nominated movies. Either they achieved classic status via the herd mentality, or I am more lowbrow than I ever fathomed. Liven things up a bit, people. Heathcliff needs to be chased across the moors by Mothra. Send in John Wayne to squash the grapes of wrath. Tess of the D�Urbervilles, Part II: Tessie Does Dallas. Yep. I�m lowbrow.

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