I'll Just Sit Here And Drool On The Sofa
2005-09-22, 6:01 p.m.

Ever have one of those epiphanies that takes what little bit of intelligence you thought you had and grinds it into the mud? One of those revelations of something so simple, so why-didn�t-you-think-of-that-before, that you spend the rest of the week (or month, or longer) feeling like an utter moron? Yeah, I had one of those a day or two ago.

For a couple of months our little aquarium has been taunting me. Actually, it�s the pump. The air pump is about 3 inches high and came with 4 miles of clear plastic tubing. I have lassoed that tubing, stuffed it behind the aquarium, set potted plants in front to hide the looming coil, fretted about the visible loop of plastic larger than the aquarium itself. So after cleaning the fish tank and repositioning the tubing for the 5,000,000th time, it struck me that all I had to do was cut the damn thing shorter.

Yeah, I�m a genius. And so far, the goldfish is still alive.

Another Great Moment in Clue History came when, after a year of wondering what the �Tri Cities Arpt� was referring to on the Weather Channel local forecasts, the word �airport� bungeed into my brain.

The third, and most recent, was when I volunteered to help one of Daughter�s teachers with a school event. I thought I was signing up to help the class. No, I�m in charge of it for the TEAM. I am organizing a Greek festival for 150 6th grade students. Sally�s lesson for the week? �Sure, I can help� is possibly the most dangerous phrase in the English language.

So how to soothe the stupid beast? With new music, of course. I have acquired a small �Smallville� music fetish. And some of those tunes and further explorations have led me to more conquests to download. My picks for the week? �Battersea�, Hooverphonic; �Everything I�ve Got In My Pocket�, Minnie Driver; �They�, Jem; �Untitled�, Simple Plan; �Save Me�, Remy Zero; �Overcome�, Live; �Alberto Balsam�, Aphex Twin; �Pink Moon�, Nick Drake; �Way Away�, Yellowcard; �Lunacy Fringe�, The Used; �Lady of Dreams�, V.A.S.T.; �God Only Knows�, The Beach Boys. I�m in a mellow mood, can you tell?

On the up side, as of last night we have a fully functional new (to us, anyway) gas range. The backordered parts (4 half-inch brass screws, $50) came in yesterday�s mail, so Hubby could complete the propane-to-natural-gas conversion. No explosions, no crispy critters, and IT WORKS. :::::::::::doing the Snoopy happy dance:::::::::::

Tuesday was Son�s 11th birthday, and he�s been in video game heaven. We gifted him with �Kirby Air Ride� and �The Simpsons� Road Rage� and a new memory card. We�ve peeled him out of his room and stuffed him on the school bus, but otherwise he won�t emerge from his bedroom, except to issue orders for his party on Saturday. He is having a very small party, cake and ice cream and an outdoor candy hunt, an hour and a half tops. Since all the cool Hallowe�en candy is springing up on the shelves, we�ll be hiding gummy vampire teeth and cherry-flavored eyeballs throughout the yard.

A fun little quiz a friend emailed me. Drop me a note and tell me what you are. For the record, mine is brownies. Thought it was pretty accurate.

If all of the desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which would you choose? Pick your dessert, and then look to see what psychiatrists think about you! After taking this dessert personality test, send this E-mail on to others, but when you do, be sure to put your choice of dessert in the subject box above. ALSO, SEND IT TO THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU!

(You can only pick one)
Angel Food Cake
Brownies
Lemon Meringue
Vanilla Cake with Chocolate Icing
Strawberry Short Cake
Chocolate on Chocolate
Ice Cream
Carrot Cake

NO CHEATING!! NO, you can't change your mind once you scroll down, so think carefully what your choice will be! Okay, now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you! Scroll down:
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ANGEL FOOD CAKE: Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.

BROWNIES: You are adventurous, love new ideas, and are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

LEMON MERINGUE: Smooth, sexy and articulate with your hands. You are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.

VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING: Fun loving, sassy and humorous. Not very grounded in life, very indecisive and lacking motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.

STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE: Romantic, warm and loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly emotional at times.

CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE: Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior, but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

ICE CREAM: You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you also enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

CARROT CAKE: You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm-hearted person and a little bit quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.

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