Cable, Conspiracies, and Cooking
2004-10-25, 5:33 p.m.

Today I�m feeling so, so, domesticated. Not only did I have most of the housework completed by 10:30am, I baked a cake. I haven�t baked a cake in over a year. Why did I bake? Simply because I could. The kids came home to white layer cake with chocolate icing for their after school snack, and they were shocked. Son was so shocked that Daughter had to convince him it was ok to eat it. It�s a sure sign that you�ve done too much takeout or frozen stuff, when you finally do cook and your child doesn�t believe it�s edible.

I will be baking another cake on Wednesday, a pumpkin carrot cake with cream cheese frosting for Hubby�s birthday. The Gurus are coming over to help celebrate, so I�ll probably bake a pumpkin pie too. GroovyGuru�s not a cake fan. He and Daughter can have a throwdown over the pie.

The kids are going to make out like bandits this year. Our city is observing Hallowe�en on Sunday. The area churches usually have big carnivals on Hallowe�en, but are having them this year on Saturday instead. In years past they kids have had to choose between trick or treating or the carnivals, or cut candy-nabbing short in order to squeeze in both. This year they get to be greedy little farts on a sugar rush for the whole weekend. Plus, they have both Monday and Tuesday off for Election Day/teacher conferences/administrative work day. Yeah, right. We know it�s because no teacher wants to face a horde of sugar-loaded demons the morning after Hallowe�en, and this year they have a perfect excuse to make them stay home to detox. Works for me. I�ll be sleepin� in. Then on Tuesday they get to accompany Hubby and me to the wonder and privilege of freedom that is voting. God bless America.

I am looking forward to watching a tv show at 6pm today. I can predict the future of my evening. At 6:03pm the phone will ring. At 6:12 Hubby will walk in, starving. At 6:17 the kids will begin to battle loudly. At 6:29pm the phone will ring, again. At 6:40 someone will come to the door selling candy bars or other overpriced crap as a fund raiser for whatever junior-grade sport they�re playing now. At 6:53, the big pre-commercial finale, the power will go out inexplicably. Story of my life. We have a VCR, but it doesn�t record properly and ignores anything you preset. So, today I went to the cable company and signed up for a DVR�you know, one of those Ti*Vo thingies. I should have signed up last week, because they can�t come install it until Wednesday. I am going to be a snarling hissing viper from 6-7pm tonight, then on Wed. I can relax thanks to the miracle of technology.

Speaking of our cable company, I always take the time to drive to the local office because there they employ sane reasonable people who are able to cheerfully help you out. I ignore the toll-free service number that they try to fleece customers into calling. When we moved into this house, I called the service number to get our cable service transferred. It was one of the most enlightening experiences of my life. The conversation went as thus:

Me: I�d like our cable service transferred from old address to new address.
Rocket Scientist Rep: *typity typity* Ma�am, I am unable to find that address. Are you certain of the street name?
Me: Yes. My new address is x.
RSR: Ma�am, that is impossible. *more typity typity* My computer does not show that street in existence.
Me: It�s one of the oldest streets in town. I�m standing in my house, built in the 1950�s, on the street that was here long before that. The previous owner had cable with y�all.
RSR: That is impossible, ma�am. That street does not show up on my computer, therefore it does not exist. We are unable to establish service to nonexistent locations.
Me: *realizes at that moment that there is no depth to human stupidity*

True story.

I went the next day to the local cable office and repeated the conversation to the incredulous ladies behind the counter. The lady who waited on me pulled up my nonexistent address in under 3 seconds, while muttering barely intelligible things about the morons the company executives hired for the call center. The call center in ANOTHER STATE. At least it�s just in another state, you�re more likely these days to reach a call center in another country. I�ll stick to the locals. It�s worth the drive.

It�s 5:31pm. I�m bracing myself for the inevitable barrage to start within the half hour. The Universe is conspiring to keep me from my show. I can just feel it.

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