Ain't Skeered
2004-10-31, 1:50 p.m.

Ah, the GroovyGuru�s latest has brought back some fond, and not-so-fond, things and events that inspired a lengthy respect for the long dark hall in my childhood home, and justified my intense dislike for all things clown.

Scared of the Gorn? Bah! I had no doubt Kirk could take on Godzilla�s smaller kin. Sivad? We had Channel 5 Charleston�s own Ashley Ghastly with his faithful sidekick, Reginald the rubber bat. You just can�t compete with a rubber bat on a fishing pole. UFO�s? Again, Kirk would show up and photon torpedo some alien butt. No worries there. Kolchack? Our local stations weren�t suave enough to carry that show. Besides, he turned out to be Ralphie�s dad. Surely he was armed with a Red Ryder b-b gun to ward off the creatures of the night. The Enterprise in the Smithsonian? A ruse. Ingenious. Planted at Spock�s suggestion, no doubt, to throw off suspicion from the ship currently in orbit.

So, what scared Sally silly?

5.
Poltergeist. Hands down, one of THE scariest movies of all time. Not long after it came out, I was hospitalized for a couple of weeks (collapsed lung) and my cousin sent me a clown doll as a get-well gift. Or maybe she hoped it would suck me into the nether realms through a closet. Thanks, cuz.

4.
Clowns. Long before the clown in little Heather O�Rourke�s closet, there was a local clown whom my mother hired for my third birthday party. One look, and I spent the rest of the party under a table in a back bedroom while my parents tried to corral 20 other 3-year-olds for two hours. What can I say, I was a smart and perceptive tot. White death-mask face paint, bizarrely distorted facial features, day-glo hair, and obscenely floppy shoes doth not humor make.

3.
Flying monkeys. I don�t like monkeys, period. They throw crap at you. But to be already warily following Dorothy along the yellow brick road, only to see the crap flingers WITH WINGS plucking people right off the ground�Needless to say, that was never a favorite childhood movie.

2.
Jody�s red eyes. The house in Amityville is creepy enough, even though the whole story is fake. Regardless, the red eyes have given me the heebie jeebies for years. My childhood home was/is haunted (seriously, it is) which was bad enough in itself, but to lie in the dark each night wondering if I would awake to those peering at me from the side of my bed�

And the Very Scariest Thing of All to Wee Little Sally was�

***************drumroll****************

The Bumble.

Already driven to tears by the plight of the unloved and unwanted Misfit Toys, the Bumble was the K.O. of the Christmas season. I was certain that not only were my toys alive and I would hurt their feelings if one were unloved, but also that the Bumble was going to escape Yukon Cornelius�s control and dive through the television and eat me. Yet, year after year I watched it with a combination of supreme horror and delicious fascination. To this day it�s one of my all-time faves.

Now that I�m grown, I don�t have to sleep with my ears covered. Most nights. If I can�t see it or hear it, it can�t see or hear me�

I leave you with this frightful image. The Gurus came over yesterday, and Hubby and GroovyGuru helped the kids carve their jack o�lanterns. Guru Jr.�s has it�s head blasted open with �brains� oozing out, Guru III�s is spooky-normal, Daughter�s is a vampire, Son�s is picking it�s nose, one looks on in surprise, and guess which one was carved by the biggest kids of all?

Happy Halloween

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