Shoot me. Shoot me now.
2005-06-11, 10:37 p.m.

I know, I know, we�re supposed to be off the computer and getting ready to leave in the morning. BUT�
I just went through Son's 4th grade portfolio. And I thought I was going to rupture.

Some highlights for you (with his spelling and punctuation).

His essay about tennis:

"The first time I played tennis was at Baylor's house. Sometimes I could do my power or stretch shot. My power shot is like using a baseball bat and my stretch shot is like throwing a frisbee. I simpley thought it was cool but when I lost, I knew it was just a big pile of worthless junk! Anything I lose to is dumb, stupid, and ridicuelous just like school."

(Get the impression he's a sore loser?)

THEN, we get to his book about "lifeskills and lifelong guidelines", things like responsibility and curiosity and common sense. He had to give an example and illustration for each.

For integrity:
"I used integrity when I went to RIF when I was offerd a lollipop, I said no-thank-you instad of yuck."
Thank God, the manners training works. Sometimes.

For perseverance:
"I use perseverance when I am at places with my sister there."
(Illustration: first scene, Son saying "I guess I'm safe". Second scene, Son says "Gulp" while facing Daughter who has devil horns, a bow and arrows, and an ax. Third scene, Son dodges arrows while saying "I will not give up!" Fourth scene, he stands alone with fierce expression, raising sword in defiance. An arrow directs the viewer back to Scene 1, and the cycle begins anew.)

For responsibility:
"I am responsible for cleaning my room."
(Illustration: Son slaves through an enormous workload while his sister kicks back in a lounge chair.)

For patience:
"I'm too hyper so I don't know anything about patience."
(First illustration: a cloud of dust left behind, and the word ZIP)
(Second illustration: Son yelling "WHERE'S MY *beep beep*"...he "beeped" out the obscenities.)

For curiosity:
"I am curious about why my sister tortures me alot!"
(Illustration: Daughter blows his bedroom door off with a bb gun, while he stands in his room dodging the flying door yelling "AAAAHHH!")

[Anybody else notice a pattern here? Daughter did, too, and she's sulking on the sofa.]

For cooperation: He just left the page blank. Figures.

For caring:
"I care about my family."
(Illustration: First scene, he dangles Daughter off a cliff. Big X drawn over this. Second scene, the two of them stand safely away from the edge, smiling.)

And then, there are photographs of him during various school activities. Let's just say he wasn't always happy to be there.

Please tell me siblings get along better after they grow up. And someone else please tell me I�ll survive raising these two.

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