Vacation? What vacation?
2005-06-21, 2:09 p.m.

We�re back from the vacation that wasn�t.

The Great Pickup AC Repair Project of Ought-Five ended Friday the tenth at 2300 hours, leaving us completely not yet packed and completely not yet ready to leave town the following day. Therefore, we wallowed. We dilly-dallied. We finally completed all housework and yard work and other assorted chores, tossed things into suitcases at the last minute, and arrived at my mother�s at 11:30pm Sunday.

Monday, Hubby and I trotted to Loowe�s to partake of lumbery goodness, on the quest to build Mama and Significant Other the perfect arbor. She has one arbor, but it�s on the OTHER side of the porch, and life just isn�t worth living without a second one. A cousin of hers built the arbor to end all arbors, and they just can�t let that be. Theirs must be bigger, stronger, faster, and so we loaded up the cart with the best hand-picked wood Loowe�s had to offer.

EXCEPT�

They did not have the corner posts.

Mama called a locally-owned building supply, and not only did they have all necessary pieces in stock, of better quality, and cheaper, but they had free delivery. Hubby unloaded some of the 56,000 2x6�s from the cart, but left the majority as entertainment for the Loowe�s employee who sat immobile on an immobile forklift and never offered to help tote a single board. He had to help a bit with the free delivery, when they freely delivered it to the wrong house on the wrong street. Never assume �free delivery� guarantees accuracy.

And thus the construction did commence, the construction that Hubby had sworn with all self-righteousness would take a day, day and a half tops, forgetting that construction projects are the bubble-like anomalic protrusions in the time-space continuum and NEVER go as planned. He also forgot that summer in South Carolina is 250 degrees Fahrenheit and 900% humidity if you have a building project planned; at all other times it is a comfortable 80-ish and breezy. We toiled and sweated from morning til mid-afternoon, snatched clammy-clothed naps until 4pm, and then toiled and sweated and swatted gnats until midnight. But, after a long and arduous labor, we produced this thing of beauty:

(And no, Hubby is not having to hold it up.)

We finished noonish Wednesday, herded children and belongings together, and stopped in Columbia to see my cousin�s beloved wife, who has been battling cancer since Christmas. She was in the last stages, and her suffering was heartbreaking. We visited for a few moments, told her we loved her, and headed towards the mother-in-law and beachy things.

Naturally, Hubby timed his vacation to coincide with the one week a month I cannot wear a bathing suit or enter the water. Go Hubby. But he and the children had a grand time body surfing and splashing and inhaling salt water while I sat and watched and got sand in very uncomfortable places. I hate sand.

Thursday evening his brother and family arrived, so we all ate good greeezy seafoody grub, and then Hubby and his brother took Son and Nephew flounder gigging. The result:

Three butt-ugly yet very tasty fish, one wet nephew who fell overboard, and one grumbling Son who did not like being on a boat after dark.

Friday, after another stint on the beach, Brother-in-law and family had to leave.

Friday morning, my cousin�s beloved wife passed away.

Saturday, we exited our vacation and entered a funeral home. We are sad and will miss her, but no one should have to endure what she did. Sunday night, after her funeral, we made the long drive home.

So, things are back to normal. We are trying to recover from vacation, Hubby�s back at work, the children are already bored, Spunky has grudge-peed on the carpet twice (the dogs hate it when we leave and spend our vacations plotting vengeance), and I have a splitting headache. Happy summer, y�all.

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