Mom needs a hat.
2006-02-15, 1:54 p.m.

Guess what, kids? I�m a spammer! According to D�land, that is. I tried to bebop around my buddy list last night leaving individual Valentine�s wishes until Andrew shut me down. He got the rest of my Cupid�s darts last night...provided they were in flames and coated thickly with dung.

Future Actor Boy, Happy Emo Girl, and Daughter had a great evening out and were allowed to live to see another day despite spraying Future Actor Boy�s house with balsamic vinaigrette. (That�s what happens when you try to feed it to someone, shake the bottle HARD, and find out the lid�s not on. As for the �feeding to someone� bit, don�t ask.) I ran over there to take Daughter some clean clothes, and while she was changing, scrubbed up the mess. My special Valentine for three budding delinquents. Things looked pretty good when Future Actor Boy�s mom stepped through the door to pick them up, although she did remark that her home smelled oddly like a salad.

As I was Hubby-less, forlorn, and otherwise exasperated on V Day, and not above begging, hissandtell took pity and offered to assist with my tiara-and-alcohol needs. But after a bit of reflection, a tiara lacks the proper oomph. I gotta have the industrial-strength upgrade.

The new Mom�s Hat Of Doom. That ought to make my kids listen better. And yes, I would so wear it to Kroger. (That is also why, as I complained to Bindyree, my hubby refused to bring me back a cheesehead when he went to Wisconsin on business. He knows me too well. It makes me that much more hell-bent to get one.)

In The Truth Is Out There department, trancejen (for a reason you really don�t want to experience, trust me) was the proud recipient of a caffeine IV. Yes, they do exist outside of Area 51. And now, millions of cubicle dwellers can make a run on their insurance companies, finding if their policies cover the insertion of a port and the difference in copays between namebrand caffeine or generic.

Daughter could use one of those today. She shuffled into my room at 6am complaining of cold symptoms and asking for medicine. I told her to go into the kitchen and take a Dayquil. Be sure to check the box and make sure you�re taking one of the orange daytime ones. Fine. So 45 minutes later, my groggy child insisted that I told her to take a Nyquil.

I have a feeling today won�t be one of her better school days.

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