Hey! Haven't been here in awhile!
2005-11-17, 8:02 p.m.

Hallllllloooooooooooo out there!

Yep, it's me, the prodigal Sally, finally back on D'land. Been missing all you awesome people, but I am happy to report that you now have less of me to love. I joined Elll Ayyyy Weight Loss 4 weeks ago, and thus far I have lost 9 lbs and almost 8 inches. A happy camper I be. Only 37 lbs and several clothing sizes to go!

What finally prodded me into drastic action? My phenomenal, fabulous, incredible trip to Delaware last month to be with my phenomenal, fabulous, incredible friends, and the resulting photos that make me look like a stuffed turkey in a t-shirt. Reality bites. I am not going to go through life with a wattle. Time for expensive external accountability and really, really good snacks�Kenter Elll Ayyyy Weight Loss. And ya know what? It's WORKING.

Other than the disappearing act, I've been entertaining a houseful of children for several weekends in a row. No problem. We had a big ol' sleepover, and the girls were well-behaved. The boys? Remember the old American Tourister commercials with the gorilla going ape, trying his gorilla-est to bash in the suitcase and everything else within a five-mile radius? Multiply times four, and you have a boys' sleepover.

Add a Sally to the mix, and you have a massive ass-chewing.

At the next sleepover, there should be no problems. NONE.

Then, there's Son. Son versus School, Part 874.

Son did not like his math lesson. Son told his math teacher that he was just going to blow up the school, and when it exploded and burned, THEN he'd be happy.

Son got sent to the office for that little nugget o'joy.

Now, they understand that Son is only slightly less menacing than Gilligan, and absolutely not serious about these things, but he cannot be allowed to vent his spleen in such a public and non-politically correct manner. The assistant principal put things to him very nicely, and Son vowed to never say that kind of thing again. Son then proceeded to get into an argument with him over golf. Don't ask.

MIL sent Son a gin-u-wine science kit, with microscope and slides and that epitome of science tools, the scalpel. Son tried for three days to convince me that he needed some sort of dead animal to dissect. Sorry, Mom ain't hauling home road kill. He eyed the goldfish, but we ended that idea quick. He then went to school and told his science teacher that he had not done his science homework because his grandmother had sent him a science kit, and therefore it was more important for him to learn from that, than from her less-significant lesson.

The science kit is now quarantined in my closet.

You all have no idea how many apologies I have given, to how many teachers, in the past three weeks.

At least I can take solace in my new best friend: Eggnog-flavored creamer. Eggnog is da BOMB, and since it is verboten on my diet, the creamer is even bombier. Yes, I just made that up, don't make an issue of it. You get my point. Eggnog-flavored Coffeemate rules, very much unlike sugar-free Hurshey's syrup, which is infinitesimally NASTY. N-A-S-T-Y. I want my money and my atrophied taste buds back please, thank you.

I'm offa here to get kidlets ready for bed and drink one of the seventeen-hundred quarts of water I'm supposed to drink every day and watch the fat rolls melt right off. I'll be back on again regularly; you just might have to look a little harder to find me. I'm not as big a target anymore.

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