Want danger, intrigue, and adventure? Be a parent.
2006-05-18, 9:58 a.m.

More Fun with Spam.

Re: Your future., pig-footed Spam

lancelot buckley
to me
More options 7:42 am(58 minutes ago)
Need money?
Your credit doesn't matter to us!
Want IMMEDIATE cash to spend ANY way you like, or simply wish to LOWER your monthly payments by a third or more?
Simply fill out this one-minute form...
http*://*ogaler*.*com*/*a62f*/

gum acroides chapel text bone meal
satin bird stuffing nut Pan-slavistic
tail-rhymed trade coin sneak shooting
spleen-devoured assistant chemist brazen-pointed
prickly-finned neglected-looking blush-faced
yard laborer song writing cirrus stripe
mill end twenty-knot autoconvection gradient
Neo-mendelism cursing stone time-pressed

What troglodyte would click on the link expecting Sir Lancelot the Buckley to wave the Magic Sword O� Cash and raise them from fiscal oafdom? More importantly, I resent the prediction of a pig-footed future. Nary a word on whether or not they�re pickled. But I appreciate the new list from the Big Book Of Insults. Someone start up an argument so I can call you a
1. Gum acroides chapel text bone meal
2. Satin bird stuffing nut Pan-slavistic tail-rhymed trade coin
3. Sneak shooting spleen-devoured assistant chemist
4. Brazen-pointed prickly-finned neglected-looking blush-faced yard laborer
5. Song writing cirrus stripe mill end
6. Twenty-knot autoconvection gradient
7. Neo-mendelism cursing stone time-pressed�

WHAT? TIME-PRESSED WHAT?

They didn�t finish!!! It�s the biggest cliffhanger of all time! My metaphor is dangling precariously. I am doomed. DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED.

I am also being overrun by teenagers. While we�re on the whole Doom/Zero Cash to Flow/You Are An Oaf (So Long As You�re Not Doing Our Really Important Teenage Bidding, But While We�re Getting Our Way You Are So Totally Awesome) issue, thought I�d bring it up.

Last week I told Daughter she could invite a few friends over Friday afternoon. Yay! For a nanosecond Mom was 1. somewhat useful and 2. cool. Not another word was spoken on the subject�
until kids got off the bus with her Friday afternoon.
Does your mother know that you�re over here? Yeah? No problem.
*ring ring* �My stepmom will drop me off at 6:30.� No problem.
*ring ring* �Can you come pick me up?� No problem.
Dear God, I have to feed them. Problem. One $200 trip to Kroger�s later, there�s just enough to satiate the Snack Suckers. Barely.

Dear God, if I want to keep my house and sanity somewhat intact, I have to entertain them.
::::::enter Blockbuster::::::::
::::::par-TAY loudly in the aisles:::::
::::::begin movie argument::::::
:::::::watch Daughter not get her own way and pout, sulk, and whine::::::
:::::::watch other kids pounce on angsty daughter like sharks on chum::::::
:::::::enjoy every damn minute of it, because for once it�s not ME trying to straighten her butt out::::::

I�m not sure how I got them all out of Blockbuster and back in the car. I�ve blocked it from my memory. Our next stop was Hastings so they could browse the manga section, but along the way they played Roll Down The Car Windows And Scream At Random Objects. They screamed at the high school. They screamed at the gas station. They screamed at houses.
Daughter sat in the middle of the back seat and bathed in sulk.

We arrived at Hastings and one of them said something goofy and put a crack in Daughter�s shell. She grinned. They screamed.

They found cheap used mangas. They did the OHMIGODISOGOTTAHAVETHISYOUARESOAWESOMEANDILLNEVERASKYOUFORANYTHINGELSE routine. They hyperventilated in the aisles and bounced and boinged but stopped just short of screaming, because I already warned them that if they got us thrown out of there I would NEVER take them anyplace again. Ever. Daughter had a huge attitude adjustment, because she knew I�d buy crap for her buddies and not her just to prove a point.

I bought cheap used mangas and one birthday gift. �If you like, buy this for me now you like, won�t have to get me anything else for my present!� Like, who could turn down THAT offer? Like, instant guarantee that the gift will be like, perfect. Like, if they have the chutzpah to ask, then I like, can�t help but get a kick out of that.

They did all sorts of loud teenagery things Friday night and all day Saturday and I took them to see one of their friends who was in a play and I dropped them off at a local teenage hangout Saturday evening and picked them up (plus one extra) and they spent the night at Emo Girl�s house. I made them muffins Sunday morning and stood out of the way as they devoured them like rabid wolves and then brought Daughter home so she could participate in the annual observance of my family ignoring me for Mother�s Day. Such is the life for a mom. Hubby finally felt guilty enough late that evening to take us to Olive Garden, and even Son quit hollering in protest when he found cheese pizza on the kids� menu.

And life goes on.

But in the end,

*Food, movies, gas, and extraneous trappings: $250
*Earplugs to deal with six children in the house: $3
*Knowing your kids and their friends are supervised, happy, safe, and loved: Priceless.

And there�s no better Mother�s Day gift than that.

***Sally's Term of the Day for Ignorant Parents Such as Myself: MANGA---A thick Japanese anime comic book, comes in cliffhanger series of 4200 each, the purchase price of the series being just under the gross national budget of Luxembourg, without a steady diet of such the goth and emo teens shall perish. PERISH IN AGONY, BOILS AND COLD SORES AND PREPPY CLOTHES AND RIDICULED BY PEERS QUOOLER THAN YOU PERISH, OHMIGOD YOU DON'T HAVE NUMBER 5 YET YOU ARE SUCH A NOOB PERISH. And parents, only you can prevent teens from social disaster. Bring your debit card and kiss it goodbye.

last - next