It's Friday the 13th
2006-01-13, 11:17 a.m.

Where have I been? I went back to college.

No, no, no...I drove Nephew back to campus on Sunday. He flew in from Florida, and Daughter and I drove him the last 160 miles to Big Granola University In The Middle Of Nowhere In A Small Mountainous Hamlet. Very lovely, very isolated, and very...collegiate hippie. The lone grocery store is all-organic, and all the shops are either art or vintage clothing. 45 degrees outside and there�s a girl in a sleeveless dress, barefoot, sitting on a brick wall playing a violin? Hello, college town. Nephew had to move from his old beater of a dorm with the laid-back guys to one of the honors dorms, which, from all the angry door graffiti, is full of the Hello Kitty Liberals. Co-ed dorm, most of the doors and doorways plastered with all sorts of stickers protesting anything that can be protested, and no shortage of Che Guevara posters, as if they have any idea who he is. That�s great, I�m all for causes, I respect differing political opinions, lifestyles, etc., as long as the person has given it a modicum of thought and education and belief; however, I guess college is the time to be a rebel without a clue. As for the Hello Kitty Liberals, you know the type...the cause itself isn�t as important as the fact that it�s trendy and accessorises great with those new pink Birkenstocks. Look at me, I�m so angsty, I rebel against authority because it�s, like, so dangerous ya know and I still get my ski pass and trust fund. One girl had 2 big GO VEGAN stickers amidst 3,472 others of her cat. I was hoping she�d pop out so I could tell her no way I could go vegan when all you need is a little garlic and a tablespoon of broth and ol� Fluffy there would braise nice and tender.

Nephew met his new roomie. The Odd Couple revival is not on Broadway; it�s in Boone. Well, roomie�s gotta fall asleep sometime, and that�s what antibacterial wipes are for. Start scrubbing. The roomie, not the room. Start with the essentials.

Nephew has been a vegetarian for several years. He researched it in high school, liked the health benefits, and quietly altered his diet. At our house he ate salads and drenched his cereal with soy milk. But we stopped at a Bob Evans on the way to school, and the boy ate Country-Fried Side Of Beef Fat With Milk Gravy And Two Fried Eggs, one impending coronary with a side of biscuits, something he said he hadn�t eaten since middle school. Nothing like taking a little walk on the wild side. I gained five pounds from the fried food smog hovering over his plate. At 18, he can survive that stuff. Being 37, I feel the need for a quadruple bypass.

And still more heart-stopping fun...not only do we need to replace the lone engine part that wasn�t done before Christmas, this morning the car�s at Maul Mart having one (and perhaps more) tire replaced. The only thing that won�t be new on the car is the seats. Now that I�ve written that, they should disintegrate over the weekend.

Son has been in school 7 days and in trouble for 6 of them. Largest gaffe of the week was throwing a hissy fit during social studies because he couldn�t follow what the student teacher was saying. He fell further and further behind until his frustration level reached critical mass. I asked him why didn�t he raise his hand during her blathering lecture and ask her to speak more slowly and clearly?

Because he didn�t want to disrupt the class.

Yeah, logic can be tricky when you�re 11.

Speaking of logic, while the kids were in school yesterday, I watched the Dukes of Hazzard movie. No way the kiddoes are seeing that one. But, it was worth the price of admission, if for only two things:
1. To see Willie Nelson deck Burt Reynolds, twice
2. The General Lee
There�s just something about seeing the General Lee careen on two wheels through a barn, or using Cooter�s tow truck as a ramp to jump a few dozen cop cars, that brings tears to my eyes. And oh, the traffic circle scene. They�ve embarked on the construction of our very own redneck-go-round traffic circle a mile from our house, and I swear, if I had a Dodge Charger, I�d be dangerous.
The funniest thing about this movie isn�t the movie itself; it�s the reviews. People blasting it for being unrealistic. To them, I give this little nugget o�wisdom: You are watching The Dukes of Hazzard. Check your brain at the door. If you�re griping about realism, then make like a tree and leave. Jet back to France and eat stinky cheese but stay the hell away from here, or we�ll just have to drive the General Lee all over your uppity ass, with a little Allman Brothers thrown in for atmosphere.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, GolfWidow posed the question, which 10 songs would you choose on a jukebox? This is, of course, assuming that you can still FIND those things. I haven�t seen one in years, probably because I haven�t been in Pizza Hut. But when I do:

10. Wheel In The Sky by Journey (let�s see who can hit Steve Perry�s high notes)

9. Cold As Ice / Hot Blooded by Foreigner (or anything else by Foreigner, you can�t have a jukebox without �em, it�s a Constitutional Amendment)

8. Sweet Talkin� Woman by ELO (admit it, you know the words, and everybody sings a part)

7. Sultans of Swing by the Dire Straits (smooth and soothing when you�re ready to gnaw on the table from starvation)

6. Mississippi Queen by Mountain (two words: air guitar)

5. Nothing Else Matters by Metallica (a Sally�s Snuggle Yer Date song)

4. Another One Bites The Dust by Queen (4 seconds into it, tops, everyone starts talking about listening to it backwards)

3. Tom Sawyer by Rush (DAMMIT, WHERE�S MY PIZZA?)

2. Mr. Roboto by Styx (pack of fools stuffed in a booth doing The Robot, oh you KNOW you have, quit denying)

1. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen (purely for the singalong factor and the Wayne and Garth headbanging moment, the ULTIMATE song to publicly embarrass your teenage children)

Good times, good times.

Downloaded some most excellent music this week. I highly recommend the entire �2046" soundtrack. Haven�t seen the movie, but the music is awesome. To mellow out, �Liquid Bird� by The Beta Band and �Let Go� by Frou Frou. But when ya gotta get some housework done, you need �One Mint Julep� by Xavier Cougat and His Orchestra. I literally danced on the furniture to that one. Now I have to shampoo my footprints off the sofa. Shoulda ditched the tennis shoes first.

Off to get Hubby from work for lunch so we can pick up the car. Maybe we should get the car first to find out how much we owe for tires, to see whether or not we can afford to eat today.

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