Office Space (Part 1)
2006-04-05, 10:04 a.m.

Rather than suck everyone into the time dilation field, I have split my adventure-du-jour into two entries. It began on Monday.

Our office has had useful furniture, albeit not my first choice of decor, but when one�s budget runs to 1. Free and 2. Really really cheap, one cannot be picky. The first monstrosity is was a cherry armoire from my mother that we've hauled around for two moves, a particle board nightmare that came in two 700 lb boxes and drove Hubby into a Starkwater-esque frenzy during assembly. It is traditional. It is cherry finish. I hate traditional. I hate cherry. The second is was a computer desk, another hulking particle board nightmare that we bought for $50 from old neighbors who were moving out-of-state. It is neither traditional nor cherry, but I hate it nonetheless.

My friend the New Yawker bought me border for the office, a pretty bonsai-print that would jazz up the room and make the looming dreck furniture blend in more with the rest of our stuff. Hanging it over the chair rail would be easy, half an hour tops. I got half of it up, then enlisted Mrs. Guru�s help to get it behind the furniture. I would scootch out one side of the armoire from the wall, roll the border behind it to her, then swap places with her to finish that piece. No problem.

Moved the right side of the armoire. Problem. A piece of molding came off the bottom left side and made the thing list towards the wall like a big ugly red Titanic. Annoying, but fixable, since it came off at a joint with no splintering and can be glued back on, but just another reminder of how much I HATE THAT THING.

Got the border behind it, then Mrs. Guru held the remaining roll of border while I lifted one end of the computer desk, making enough room that I could get behind it. Lifted the right end...and everything on the bottom FELL OFF.

#%&*! desk fell apart in my bare hands. Particle board crumbled. Unfixable.

Mrs. Guru dropped the border, we yelled for the oldest kids, they scrambled to clear everything off the desk while I held it up, then Mrs. Guru held it while I removed the monitor and disconnected the printer and moved the modem and router out of the way. If that desk had fallen, it would have taken out that computer AND our internet access, and I would have gone into a spittle-spewing venomous rage.

So, in the span of 10 minutes, I had a torpedoed armoire, peeling border, pile of particle board confetti that slightly resembled a computer desk, computer equipment tangled on the floor, and piles of office shrapnel distributed throughout the living room and dining room.

Did I also mention that I�ve been trying to get the house ready to have a dozen people over Thursday evening for a church meeting and dinner?

Did I also mention that I am supposed to be in charge this week of calling parents to remind them to send in snacks for the kids during state testing next week?

Did I also mention that in the meantime Son had an important doctor�s appointment, Daughter had Girl Scouts, and I have a ladies� Circle meeting?

:::::::::::::::::::cue tantrum::::::::::::::::::

After having a nervous breakdown via email, Daughter�s teacher kindly removed me from the job of parent contact. Son made it to his appointment, Daughter made it to Girl Scouts, and I am skipping the Circle meeting tomorrow morning. The only thing left: Find suitable and affordable office furniture in record time. After checking all over town, I found what I wanted at Wal Mart. I hauled Hubby there to look at it and he liked it, too.

So now comes the fun part: Buying and assembling that stuff and getting the office back together before Thursday evening, because the office is the first room you see when you walk into our house.

On to Part 2...

last - next