Wednesday and yet another thunderstorm.
2006-04-26, 5:33 p.m.

Dear Marketing Division:

Thanks for the offer of new lowwww refinancing, but that�s not lowwww enough. Please email me 27 more times per day when your offer is lowwwwwww instead.

Sincerely,

She who can�t wait to nab a great mortgage from the financial geniuses prowling Gmail

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If you beat someone with a legal pad, does that make it ok?

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Daughter has asked some very insightful questions lately regarding religion, morals, etc. One query was about her use of obscenities. I told her �not in my presence�, which is Official Mother Speak for �LalalalalalalalalaIcan�tHEARyoooooooooouuuuu!�

*Why not?

1. We are not the Osbournes. Ozzy may be six purple shades of awesome, but still�

2. She is a child. Her sense of self, and others� perceptions of her, is still in development. Once she has all the tools she needs to use such language and still project to the world that she is an erudite, capable, coherent human being and not the latest Springer-worthy social reject, then she can have at it. There are plenty of people who spout peppery language but are still easily recognized as smart, witty, and genuine; there are others who use it because their pea brains cannot function on anything beyond a base level. Discover yourself, develop an effective vocabulary, and THEN pile on the condiments.

3. Because I said so.

*Why do I use a few words here and there and others not at all?

All words have power. Curse words are for emphasis, the grenades of the English lexicon. (They don�t call �em f-bombs for nothing.) If I were to launch them throughout all of my conversations, their power would diminish. One day I would search the arsenal for something potent to accentuate my point, and instead of grenades, there would be nothing left but sparklers.

It�s a personal choice.

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Son is such a thoughtful little thing. Why just Monday, after his dentist appointment when there was only an hour left of school and I had silently determined not to haul his carcass back in time for technology, he noted the full trash can in the kitchen. Lovingly he patted my back and told me that he needed to stay home and take out the trash so that I wouldn�t have that stress on me; he deserved to have all that stress instead.

Bless his little heart.

He was even more considerate by hunting cheat codes for Nintendo to share with Guru III and saving the trash-hauling joy for his father. Ain�t he grand?

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